Four Eyes

Maybe the reason I haven't posted very much lately is not because I'm totally lazy but simply because I couldn't see what I would be typing.

Okay, okay. It's the first reason. I'm lazy. But it could just as easily have been the latter. You see, for the first time in my life, I will be wearing glasses, starting tomorrow. I won't need them all the time, just for covering games and night driving, mostly.

The main problem is that I have trouble doing what physicians call "seeing stuff." Specifically, stuff that's far away. For instance, you know the part of "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses, where Axl Rose sings, "So faaaaar away ... so faaa-aaaar awaa-aay?" Yeah, well I totally can't see that part of the song.

And I'm a little nervous, never having had glasses before in the past. But I keep telling myself there's nothing to fear, it's just some glass and plastic. I mean -- I got that type of shit in the cabinet over my sink. I just don't wear 'em on my head. The upside is that now it allows me a whole array of sight-related jokes I couldn't make previously. Like when the eye doctor said something about making sure my name was associated with my payment so she wouldn't have to come track me down.

"Yeah," I deadpanned, "but now I'd see you coming."
"And from far away!" she added giddily, after way too long a pause.

And I thought to myself, bitch, don't beat this joke into the ground. Jeez. ANYWAY, I'm pretty fired up, both for the glasses and for the great price I got at Upchurch Optical (shameless plug!) in scenic north Durham, thanks to the fact that the glasses guy is a big Tar Heels fan, and we discussed the fact that I cover them. So wish me luck with the new eyewear. I'll be seein' ya. Literally.