Beam Us Up?

So I'm talking with our buddy Mike Ogle the other day (the guy no one has ridiculed yet for naming my blog "blog cabin"). And he tells me that he had read a story which said the government approved money for research of teleportation. Seriously.

So that's weird, I'm thinking, and then Ogle drops this: The story completely glossed over the fact that the government was earmarking a whopping $25,000 for the research of teleportation. Twenty-five Gs! That's it!

It is at this point that I begin laughing. Was this just one of those things someone snuck onto a bill in Congress and it slipped through? Then I thought, 'Wow, the teleportation lobby in D.C. must not be so strong if that's all it could muster.' (Well, to be honest, first I giggled bemusedly at the idea that there might even be a teleportation lobby.)

Think of what we spend on some random-ass shit. For many inconsequential projects and programs, our government can drop tens of millions of dollars every year (not saying these projects/programs are unimportant, but we spend a lot, as a nation, on stuff that we probably never think about). Yet the teleportation people went in and said, 'Yeah, you know, if you could give us like, oh, I don't know, $25,000, we could make teleportation happen. Sure.'

Never mind that a crew of three guys doing road construction (only one of whom, by rule, can actually be doing work at any particular moment) makes that in a day of standing around and congesting traffic.

Hmm, that would be some quality irony: If we stopped spending millions upon millions of dollars for road repairs, which invariably fall three years behind schedule during the first week -- because we could teleport!

And why do I keep italicizing "teleport." Or putting it in quotes for that matter. I've also been on a big exclamation-point kick lately. It's fun!

On that note, I leave you with some other thoughts on teleportation, er, rather, teleportation:

Prof. Frink: I take it from that little impressed noise that you are interested in purchasing that matter transporter, sir.

Homer: Ah...er...two bucks!? And it only transports matter!? Well, uh, I'll give you 35 cents.

Prof. Frink: Sold! But I must warn you this devices carries a frighteningly high risk of catastrophic...

Homer: I said I'll take it!