Shiver Me Timber

My brother suggested I blog about a random subject that is an occasional favorite of mine: the pee shivers.

Now, ladies, I know you won't know what I'm talking about. I discovered that the pee shivers (the definition of which will follow) is a uniquely male phenomenon. At least according to this girl Kristen that I dated some time back. I came out of her bathroom one day saying, "You know when you get the pee shivers..." Needless to say, this was met with a blank stare. Probably in part from the fact that she had no idea what I was talking about. But also because it involved the word pee. I doubt pee is used very often as a modifier for anything, much less shivers. So I quickly endeavored to explain, before she noticed the shiver had made my nipples hard.

When us guys go No. 1, sometimes while you're peeing, you get this whole body shudder, sort of like the chills. It makes you shimmy like you're doing a very, very subtle touchdown celebration. It feels strange but good. So as long as your aim remains true, it's really not a bad thing.

(For the record, I have no idea why it happens, but apparently it does not happen to girls. Maybe it's the guys' standing-up factor, or just another fun bonus for those of us with our junk situated externally.)

After I first told Kristen and she responded with utter disbelief, I began to worry that the pee shivers were some bizarre affliction that only I suffered from. I could picture the doctors standing over my corpse some day in the future, going, "Well, this man appears to be completely healthy...It seems he died from a little-known malady as 'shiverus urinia' more commonly known as the 'pee shivers.'" Lousy doctors!

So I asked my guy friends. They put my mind at ease by revealing that they, too, had had the pee shivers. Whew! Finally, I could go back to enjoying them when they happened. So, ladies, do you really never get them? For real? Can anyone tell me why? Seriously, as much fun as it is to have a penis for entertainment purposes alone, this is where you are really missing out. Pee shivers. Man, I love saying that. Pee shivers.