Sing, Sing a Song

I was thinking about my Christmas plans to drive to Florida with my brother, and I found myself wishing there was more music about Florida that we could play on the road trip.

All I came up with was Will Smith's "Welcome to Miami" which is simply not going to cut it, most notably because we're not going anywhere near Miami (my last trip there notwithstanding). And then I started thinking - what other places are in need of more songs about them? Be forewarned though. It's questions like these that will keep you in the shower about 20 minutes too long.

First off, anyplace with a band named after it is already eliminated. That's plenty of love. So sorry Boston, Kansas and Alabama (which didn't need the help anyway, thanks to Lynyrd Skynyrd - is that how you spell that?). This also knocks out Europe, courtesy of the 80s band that sang that classic sports-arena tune "The Final Countdown."

And we can eliminate Africa thanks to the Toto song from the 80s. To the best of my memory, it went something like this: "Something something something ... something AAAF-RICA!" Feel free to sing along at home. Australia's done too, after that "I come from the land down under..." song.

This leaves us with Asia and the Americas. And since in hypothetical-question world, we'll be making the music here, let's stick with the Americas (North and South, if you're scoring at home in addition to singing).

(Also, it should be noted that the Middle East is eliminated because any song about it would invariably be some shitty American-pride country song sung and listened to by Wal-Mart-shopping, giant-belt-buckle-wearing rednecks).

All small towns are eliminated, thanks to John Cougar Mellencamp's "Small Town." Nice work, Cougs. So what cities, states and countries need the recognition? Allow me to randomly decide, based on nothing other than my insatiable need to babble nonsense. Here they are, the big list of places that need songs about them:

1. Boise, Idaho. A friend of mine is moving there next week. What the hell's he supposed to listen to on his way out there? (Side note: good luck, Murph.)

2. Regina, Saskatchewan. If for no other reason than the fact that, at some point, you will almost certainly have to rhyme "Regina" with "vagina" just to keep the lyrical flow going.

3. Paraguay: Or Uruguay. Either one will work just fine.

4. California: Not really. Just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention.

5. Anywhere in Alaska: Come on, Juneau you want to hear a song about Alaska!

6. Portland: Either Maine or Oregon is fine, although ideally it's a song somehow connecting the two Portlands.

7. Wilmington, Delaware: Because, even though it appears to be the postal point of origin for just about all unwanted credit-card solicitations, there has to be something else going on there. There just has to be.