If You Need Me, I'll Be In Mudchute

When my roommate's girlfriend recently got a kitten, many suggestions were bandied about as potential names for the feline. One moniker, suggested by my roommie, was "Otis Spunkmeyer" like the cookie guy. And it would have made a fantastic name, except that girls don't think stuff is funny the same way guys do.

One thing we can all agree on, though, is that places with funny names are, well, funny. Where's a thesaurus when you need one?

This needless preamble brings me to the fact that I recently came across a list of the top 100 rude names of places in Britain. Problem is, while the list is funny, the British are about as good at ranking funny things in their correct order as they are at making world-class cuisine. (See, I love England. It's cool. I could've gone the cheap-shot dental-joke route there, but I didn't. I went the cheap-shot food-joke route.)

The No. 1 name on the list? Cocks, Cornwall.

Come on! Once you see all the other names on the list, deciding that is the "rudest" (or even funniest) name, makes me want to rename Great Britain "Pretty Good Britain."

You're telling me that Cocks is funnier than Wetwang, East Yorkshire (which was No. 25)? Not only do we have the same part of the anatomy in play, but now we have a moisture-rich condition to boot. Yet it's 24 slots behind on the list.

Titty ho, Northamptonshire (No. 33)? Cumloden Court, Dumfries and Galloway (No. 80)? The Furry, Cornwall (No. 46)? None of these are funnier than Cocks?!

(Side note No. 1: What's up with Cornwall? Lots of funny names there.)

(Side note No. 2: If you think I'm not going to refer to the vagina from now on as "The Furry" you are sadly, sadly mistaken.)

And I'm sorry, but I love a good degree-of-difficulty bonus. No one watches the Olympics to see a dude dive straight into the pool. They want to see tucks and twists, something to make the damn thing interesting. Yet Cocks is the funniest thing going on British maps? Please.

My vote goes to No. 11 on the list, Hole of Horcum, North Yorkshire, just because, well, there's a lot going on there. So you have to work it out for yourself to some extent. I mean, if you opened a furniture store, what would be funnier, calling it "Shit to Sit On" or calling it "Sofa King Comfortable?" Cleverness ought to count for something.