Paging Dr. Howser...

Well, since my rant on store greeters only prompted my former store-greeter friends here to defend themselves, let's talk about a group of people that everyone finds indefensible (even though, yes, I know it's their job): telemarketers.

Let's just say life has been grand ever since signing up for the Do Not Call list. Now only companies I "do business" with can call me (you know who you are, Bell South, and no I don't want to get long-distance service). But there is still the occasional random call from people (with charities, maybe?) who are allowed to ring me up.

I got a bizarre one today, and it went a little something like this:

Telemarketer: Hi! Is the lady of the house available?
Me: There is no lady of the house. At least not that I know of.
Telemarketer: Then can I speak to the man of the house.
Me (feeling vaguely powerful and manly): You've got him.
Telemarketer: Are you under 16 years old?
Me (feeling slightly less powerful and manly): Uh, no.
Telemarketer: Oh, well. Thanks for your time.

Whose house did they think they were calling, Doogie Howser? Why would I be the man of the house and be under 16? Briefly, I worried my house was sinking and perhaps the call was to alert the women and children first to get the hell out. After a brief check of the window to confirm my porch's waterlessness, and then a quick self-reminder that I live in a second-floor townhouse, not an ocean liner, I decided I was safe.

On a total side note, it cracks me up that the guy who played Vinnie Delpino went on to play one of Tony's random helper guys in The Sopranos. Every time he was over at the house picking up Tony, I kept sitting there with my fingers crossed, hoping he might just blurt out "Hey Doog!" for no reason at all.

Alas, it was not meant to be. Although, now that I'm writing about it here, I feel vaguely Doogie-esque like when he wrote in his little computer journal at the end of each episode. Except that the only valuable lesson I've learned from all of this is never, ever mention or even think about that show unless you want to have it's cutesy little theme music stuck in your head all day.