Screech, Moan ... Same Differnce

Well, I think we all knew it would come to this someday.

Maybe not when you were a kid, sitting there watching Saved By The Bell re-runs. But later, when you were older, wiser, more mature, you knew something like this would have to happen. In this internet age, where anyone remotely famous and/or remotely washed up wants their 15 minutes of fame, you just knew that Screech would one day have his own sex tape.

That's right. This morning brought us not one, but two reports (though there are probably countless more out there) that Dustin Diamond, a.k.a. Samuel "Screech" Powers, has made a sex tape.

Look out, Paris! You too, Pam and Tommy! The Screech Man reportedly has a sex tape of him and two women, and here's the most disturbing part: Apparently, ol' Screecherino employs the technique known as the Dirty Sanchez in the tape. For those of you who are uninitiated in the catchy lingo for disgusting sex acts, here's the definition of a Dirty Sanchez.

The best part is that his agent thinks this will help Diamond avoid the "Screech typecast" and, hence, get more work. Unless of course Lisa Turtle is the one on the receiving end of the Poop 'Stache.

Surely, though, this plan will have to boost Diamond's career. I mean, look what being in "Showgirls" did for Elizabeth Berkeley. Now she's a huge superstar ... oh, wait. Scratch that. Oh well, at least it keeps the news entertaining.

In closing, allow me to say that I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so ... scared!