I'm Too Sexy For My Job

Good news for all the scribes out there like me: According to a poll conducted by Salary.com, “reporter” is the fourth-sexiest occupation out there.

Take that, event planners! (They finished sixth.)

Of course, I’ll be taking this information with a grain of salt, since the poll probably takes more into account the makeup-laden talking-head retards on the TV news than it does actual “reporters.” You know, people who gather and disseminate information, as opposed to learning to read a teleprompter really well.

Plus, whoever was surveyed for this has obviously never been at the buffet line for the press meal at a sporting event.

Let’s put it this way: at 240 pounds, I’m often one of the slender guys.

Also, the list seems to be a little full of bullshit. I mean, are we saying strippers aren’t as sexy as interior designers? Then again, I suppose that depends on your, shall we say, personal preferences. (Random stereotype alert!)

Also, nurse? Maybe if it’s a naughty nurse.

And veterinarian? Maybe if it’s a naughty veterinarian. (Now exiting this line of thinking before we start getting into rectal thermometers…)

Anyway, perhaps the sexiest scene of all time could be achieved if a private plane caught fire and had to have an emergency landing.

On board is an important CEO (No. 3) being served a drink by a flight attendant (No. 2) and discussing an upcoming gala with his lawyer (No. 10) and the event planner (No. 6) for the party when suddenly and engine catches fire and has to land. Luckily the pilot has radioed ahead that there is trouble, so a doctor (No. 9) and a nurse (No. 7) are on hand waiting when the plane lands. But so is a reporter (No. 4) because he heard about it over the police scanner. And of course, there is the big guy, No. 1, the firefighter, waiting to put out the blaze.

And nothing is sexier than a great big coincidence.