The Monster Mash

I really am slacking off, I suppose, this being the first entry in nearly two weeks. But it will all be worth the wait when you see one of the best names in the history or sport, Kansas softball player Destiny Frankenstein.

If you’re last name is Frankenstein, do you just say “Oh, fuck it,” and give your kid a weird first name, too, knowing she is already in for hell when she gets to middle school?

This is not an isolated incident. Just ask Destiny’s sister, Cherish Meade Frankenstein. I shit you not. It’s in Destiny’s personal info section on the bio.

The creepiest part to me is how this Frankenstein girl – who rocks the nicknames “Money” and “D-Frank” – has kind of a boxy head, a la, you guessed it, her monster namesake.

It should be noted that all my references here are to movie depictions of the monster, not to Mary Shelley’s novel, as we will not let literature get in the way of cinematic recollections for the purpose of this argument. (Dummy translation: No book, movie.)

Seriously though, her forehead is so big it’s closer to a five-head. All she’s missing is the bolts in her neck.

Okay, okay, maybe that was a little mean. But I’m sure it will all work out for her. She’s smart (Academic All-Big 12 second-teamer, according to the bio) and athletic (could steal 20 or more bases this season). So I’m sure one day she’ll settle down, get married, and begin reproducing.

As long as Destiny doesn’t meet George McFly, who would then attempt to woo her in the malt shop with lines like, “Density, I am your density.” Could get ugly. But him being fictional and all, I’m not too worried about it.

Now matter how it turns out, one thing is for sure: I, for one, could not be more excited about Destiny’s child.