I Am The Shortest Man Alive!

So last night I go to cover the Carolina-Duke women's basketball game, since what could be more fun than back-to-back nights of Carolina-Duke action? But since I'm a fairly late addition to the list and there are 70-plus members of the media in attendance for this No. 1 vs. No. 2 showdown, I have to sit in auxiliary seating. My options are: a) up in the crow's nest at Carmichael Auditorium, where temperatures are known to range from "man, it's freakin' hot" to "wow, i think i literally just sweated my balls off" or b) in a regular seat in the stands on the baseline.

Being that I felt no desire to sweat through my clothing, I chose option B. Anyway, after sitting there for a few minutes, a woman I can only describe as gargantuan asks me to get up because she's a couple of seats down from me, and I'm on the aisle. Turns out it's USA Basketball coach Anne Donovan, who is 6-foot-8.

Incidentally, I only found out who she was right around the same time I became the shortest man alive. That would be when ESPN sideline reporter (and former member of my hometown WNBA squad, the New York Liberty) Rebecca Lobo comes up and asks if I can get up so she can sit between me and Coach Donovan. Now, Lobo is a mere 6-4, so she looks short a couple of minutes later standing on the floor interviewing Donovan. But up there in the seats next to me (standing a scant 5-11), both are huge. I could not be shorter if I tried.

Of course, it wouldn't have been much better at the other end of the floor where 7-foot former Tar Heel Sam Perkins was in attendance. Oh well, if I want to feel tall, I guess I'll have to hold out til Carolina starts a horse-racing team.