Mama Said Box You Out

Is it weird that boxed wine is really bagged wine? Because on the inside, it's a plastic bag holding all the wine, not the box. Like, if you came home with a box of cereal but were carrying it in a shopping bag, and someone asked, "Hey, whatcha got there?" you wouldn't say, "Why, I've got a bag of cereal!"

And not just because you don't start declarative sentences with the word "why."

It's because you're thinking of the box inside of the bag that's actually constraining the cereal, preventing it from going all over the place. Why can't we do that with bagged, er, boxed wine?

I don't know. Maybe it's just all the boxed wine talking, but we should be able to get this done.

Fab Five (Dollars Every Time it Airs)

Okay, why the fuck does Jalen Rose have a "starring" role in an infomercial? Sure, it's late. There are infomercials on. What are you going to do? But one of them is for "American Grants" apparently some kind of company that gives you information to get grants.

So my question is, what does Jalen Rose have to do with it? What does he need a grant for? Well after his prime, he was still collection NBA checks for millions of dollars. Does he a) really need to supplement that income with infomercial work, and b) need a grant for anything?

Although I guess if you're going to have a spokesman for free money, it might as well be someone from Michigan's Fab Five.